Mon, 27 Apr 2026 20:02:03 -0400WeeblySun, 27 Sep 2015 07:20:31 GMThttp://www.elishaogbonna.com/blog/6-tips-on-how-to-build-your-kids-self-image

Kids’ self-image is vital to how they turn out in life. The idea of their abilities, appearance and personality can be shaped by what they experience both at home and school. Since home is home, a place they can fall back to after school experiences, kids need the love and support from family. Parenting among every other thing includes helping kids build their self-worth. The following are six ways parents can achieve that:

1.    Show your kids how-to not just what-to: Don’t just tell your kids what to do. For example: (a). Make your bed. (b). Wash the dishes. (c). Do the laundry. (d). Walk the dog and so on.  Show them how-to do it not just once but as long as it would take them to learn and master doing it all by themselves. Learning speed varies among kid, some are fast learner other are slow. Be patience with them, inspect and commend their improvements.

2.    Criticize bad work not your kids: Kids work hard to impress their parents. Some will go as far as they could to do even what they are not asked to in order to impress mummy and daddy. What some parents do is to turn blind eyes to the good they did and emphasis on the little mistake they make. Kids are kids they are not perfect as adult are not. Encourage them by telling them that they can do better and explaining to them how not to repeat the same mistake.

3.    Let them know there’s always room for improvement: An amateur through constant learning and practice can become professional. So it is in life; everyone grows—from infant to adulthood. Both parents and kids need commitment and patience. Failure is never final for those who keep trying and refuses to give up. Teach them to be patience, consistence and believe they can scale any height. 

4.    Teach from your personal experience: Generally, learning and practice are easier when a learner understands that the same process, difficulty and failure were the experience of their teacher and in the end they became successful. What were your childhood experience—low self-esteem, failure, or academic bullying? Use them to teach your kids good attitudes. It will shorten the distance it would cost them to figure certain things out. How you succeeded is a information they need to have.

5.    Fine tune their desires: Don’t impose your desire or personal goal on them. The fact that you are a Guitarist does not mean every member of your family must belong to a band playing one instrument or the other. One may be talented in business or trade. It is your duty to guide and not manipulate them. This does not rule out the opportunity of let them learn whatever you desire them to know but the career they want in life is solely their choice. They need your support. Watch out for peer pressure and guide them rightly.

6.    Spend Quality time: Time to kids is a substitute for the word love. Quality time with kid create the atmosphere for bonding. It helps them understand more of their parents and feel free to express themselves with fear. Bad behaviors are revealed and the opportunity to make immediate correction is readily available within the time. Also, time spent together reflects on your kids’ confidence and attitude. It make them feel loved and valuable. 
  


 

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Elisha O. Ogbonna is the author of "Mastering the
Power of Your Emotions" an educative and instructive
book on how you can control what happens in your
irrespective of what happens to you. He is a motivational
​and public speaker.

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]]>Sun, 27 Sep 2015 07:07:48 GMThttp://www.elishaogbonna.com/blog/5-reasons-why-excessive-worrying-can-never-solve-a-problem

​Worrying is a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems. It is also the thoughts, images and emotions of a negative nature in which mental attempts are made to avoid anticipated potential threat. Every one of us is liable to worry over things we fear could go wrong. While worrying is a nature response to potential problem, excessive worrying has never provided anyone with solution they need except when they take steps out of its circle. Here are reasons why excessive worrying can’t help anyone out of danger:

1.    It is devoid of solution: Worry completely lack solution to the problem you are worrying about. When you plunge yourself into anxiety state, you may think nothing but the worst thing that would happen. Your thoughts and feelings becomes so submerge in the negative and dark fantasy far from the view of solution.

2.    It is not a good carriage: When anyone board the cart of worry, he or she is taking a dangerous step to confronting their problem. Worry will introduce other negative vices that could draw one into depression. Vices like prolong sadness, anger, self-pity etc. Beside worry would want to take you to east through the west route. Of course, that’s impossible.

3.    It is a roadblock to success: The fear of trying again, changing method without changing goal and criticism are the hallmark of worry. Worry can stall efforts for progress.  Worry brings confusion and imprisonment. It magnifies small mistake and lower your motivation.

4.    It may not change subject matter: Worry can play over and over what happened. The experience and presumed impending danger. It rarely change subject or shift attention from it. By playing the same negative record over and over it impresses on your imagination what happened often deeper than it appears. The imagination picks it up and starts reproducing the image of the next terrible thing that would follow.

5.    It may lead health failure: Excess anxiety and fear can affect one’s sleeping pattern causing sleeplessness, sleep apnea, headache and other sleep rated illness. It can lead to self-hate, depression, suicidal thought. Illness associated with fear and anger can creep in—ulcer, intestine and liver problem, stroke and even  heart attack.

When worry knocks at your door, do the following:
When you find yourself in situation where you feel deeply disturbed about something, don’t wait too long before you seek help. Talk to a friend you trust. He could offer suggestion that would help you. Seek medical assistance—psychologist and physiotherapist could be of great help. Play your favorite music, socialize 

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​Elisha O. Ogbonna is the author of "Mastering the Power of Your Emotions" an educative and instructive book on how you can control what happens in your irrespective of what happens to you. He is a motivational and public speaker.

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]]>Mon, 29 Dec 2014 17:23:10 GMThttp://www.elishaogbonna.com/blog/6-new-year-resolutions-everyone-must-make

As the year winds up, a tradition for the majority of people is to set a goal for the coming year. Some people already have these goals in mind, but many others still need to think through what goals would make sense for them in the coming year. For those who had plans already mapped out and those who are yet to find out what would make the coming year an awesome and fulfilling one, here are the six most important things consider:

 Personality/Character: Your personality is your complex attributes which include your behavioral, temperamental, emotional and mental qualities. They are features that define you. Your personality characterizes your uniqueness and distinguishes you from the rest of the people. Personality/character development should be on your list for the coming year. Your vision and passion motivates you toward the type of personality desire to have. How much you invest in building your character and growing your vision determines how far your growth would be come next year. Character development is often the most forgotten resolution item but very important to anyone success in life. Billy Graham said, “When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.” Character affects your relationships and your growth. How you handle complaints, criticism, rejection, confrontation, people and money is would be the height of the character you have developed. Good businesses have good customer service. Character failure can result in career failure. This applies to politics, sports, financial and entertainment industries. Do not make room for carelessness for the coming year.

Finance/Money: Finance is a good guess to be everyone’s priority for next year. Meanwhile, financial intelligence is the most important thing to consider in wealth building. It does not matter how much you have now, how much you desire to earn the coming year or the job you want to switch to in order to make it big. What’s important are your management plans. Money is no one’s permanent friend. Money is often a promiscuous agent. It has no particular lover. It does not enjoy the romance of wasteful spenders and does last long in their hands. Money enjoys the company of those who have built channels for it and people who has the manners that impresses it to relax and take some rest. Otherwise, it comes and goes. If you are looking forward to building your finances for the coming year or save for retirement, educate yourself and seek advice on budgeting, debt management (for those in debt), credit and collections, savings and investing, buying home or renting, buying a car or riding the bus, saving for college (for aspiring student or career change) and so on.

Relationship/Association: The friends you keep have a way of affecting your growth. It can either influence you positively or negatively. Identify people who are travelling in the same direction as you and develop a good relationship with them if you desire to grow in the coming year. Associating with people of the same mind and goal keeps you focus and helps you rebuild your strength especially when experiencing hard times in your endeavors. They stand a better chance to help and support you. As the saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.” If an athlete keeps company with musicians, it is almost a guarantee that he or she may end up a singer or drummer. I am not saying that a writer should not have a Chef as a friend but how much time they spend and what they spend it on are the things that count. Spending time on things that fire up your passion and energizes your dreams should be on your list if you wish to grow.

Family/Kids: This is mostly for those who are married, single parents or those aspiring to be parents. They have growing responsibilities which they have to consider and plan for in their New Year resolutions. Ignoring the impact that family would have on one’s resolution is like making a snowball in the oven. Child care, education, discipline and safety can affect the family budget. This is why emergency savings that would account for unplanned outcomes is very important. Spending time with family is very important and when not properly scheduled can affect the parents and the children negatively. Expecting a baby, getting married or paying for your child’s education can cost you more than what you have planned for.  For the safety of the family, you may be required to take extra steps to achieve this—ensuring there is adequate and safe shelter, adequate healthy food, safe transit, and so on. Fix what is needed to be fixed at home—stairway, patio, electrical etc.

Health and well-being: Anyone is bound to fail in any personal pursuit when health fails. The only exception to this is when one is not directly involved or does insignificant role in his or her project. Good health and healthy living should be in your resolution list if you are sure you want to achieve them. Make plan for your health. A health care plan that include would take care of your physical, intellectual and spiritual well-being. Notice the three divisions—the physical, the intellectual and spiritual. The physical plan takes care of your body. This can be achieved through healthy nutrition, exercise, good sleep and any other recreational activity that keeps the body in good shape. Next is to take care of your soul. Your soul houses your mind, emotion and will. Some of the sicknesses people suffer are illness handed down to their physical body from inner part of their beings. Dr. David Schwartz, in his book: ‘The Magic of thinking Big’, says that over 80 percent of our hospital beds are filled with people with “EII” or Emotional Induced Illness. You can take care of your soul by listening and reading motivational and inspirational material, thinking positive thoughts and taking positive actions. Your spirit houses your conscience, intuition and communion. You take care of your spiritual self through worship, prayer, scriptural study, meditation and positive confession. Taking care of your intellectual and spiritual life helps you build the capacity to respond positively to the experiences of life even sufferings. Kevin Huggins said, “Our response to suffering shapes our character and determines our psychological and spiritual health.” To stay healthy, you need to develop your capacity to deal with negative experiences and influences of life.

 Work/Business/career: Your work or career provides you with the resources you need for the upkeep of your life in terms of money. How you handle your work, business or career determines how much you will generate to cater for your plans. For any to down play the importance of his job or career is to down play on their success in the nearest future.  This is why it is necessary for everyone to upgrade themselves. Failure to upgrade is an opportunity to be outdated. Plan to do things differently in order to prevent stress and burnout. Invest in your career; grow your business; expand and diversify your vision. Globalization is the right word. Forget about the past. Reach forward for what the New Year holds for you. Begin it with positive mentality and embrace it with a positive attitude. Ensure you produce an amazing result next year. See you at the top! 

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 Elisha O. Ogbonna is the author of "Mastering the Power of Your Emotions" an educative and instructive book on how you can control what happens in your irrespective of what happens to you. He is a motivational and public speaker.

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]]>Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:53:02 GMThttp://www.elishaogbonna.com/blog/-8-things-about-teasing-that-are-destructive-to-you-and-others

Teasing is to make fun of; mock playfully or the act of harassing someone playfully or maliciously (especially by ridicule). Teasing is very common at home, school and workplace. But there are eight things a lot of people do not know about teasing which can drastically affect their lives. Here we go:

1. It’s an amusement that exploits or preys on people’s inadequacies or
failures: Teasing feeds on people’s mistakes, failures, inadequacies and bad behaviors. It's like looking through someone's garbage for useful material. It uses what has happened in the past even though things have changed and times are different. The serial teaser will always find something in another to tease them about. They will pick on weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and keep changing what they tease you about, as long as they have the power to humiliate you. It can profoundly upset and depress the person being teased.

2. It could be funny enough to cause chagrin: Chagrin is a keen feeling of mental unease as of annoyance or embarrassment, caused by failure, disappointment, or a disconcerting event. When teasing goes into routine and to one direction (one person) all the time, it could lead to chagrin. This is especially the case when the teaser has some authority over the teased—and this is difficult, because of class distinction or work hierarchy the victim must swallow all of his annoyance because he is all but forbidden to express his offense to his superior. Repressing his constant embarrassment and annoyance could affect his lifestyle and attitudes. The repressed feelings of being ruffled can cause an emotional disturbance in him which could lead to the feeling of worthlessness, helplessness and hopelessness. It could lead to work stress and burn out. And ultimately, it could cause emotional induced illness.

3. It’s a fun that regurgitates and echoes imperfection: I would have preferred the word addictive but let use regurgitate. Regurgitate in zoology is a word that is used to classify some birds and certain other animals that posses a special digestive system that enables them to bring back up to the mouth undigested or partly digested food with which to feed the young. In the context of this writing, when I use the term regurgitate to illustrate teasing, I mean that teasers reproduce incomplete information or partial knowledge of something about someone without verifying if it's true before using it. Little “facts” that demean and could offend someone are often expressed in a funny way to convey information with the pretense that they are not intention to hurt or offend. Teasers can echo what they heard or saw with or without anything to back up their information to achieve their goals. They sometime twist or
exaggerate stuff while teasing.

4. It could cross boundaries: Teasers can go the extra mile when they engage in teasing. People who enjoy teasing and have run out of material could start asking their victim about past experiences or stories about their life. They could ask very personal questions, and use this information to humiliate and exploit someone. They crosses some very personal and intimate boundaries.  This is because when you scratch an itch, nothing but more scratching will do – and they so enjoy putting someone on the spot for their own amusement.

5. It could foster gossip: Usually when the victim walks away from the scene of being teased, what goes on behind him is nothing but gossip. Gossip is a when people speak about someone else's personal life, relationships, etc. for their own enjoyment. It is a conversation involving malicious chatter or rumors about other people. Addicted teasers are people who habitually spread intimate rumors or facts about other people in the act of gossip.

6. It could endanger relationships: No trust can exist where secrets cannot be kept. No trust will survive among people who maliciously talk about their friends and acquaintance's personal, sensational or intimate information to others. This is especially the case between friends when one happens to know that the other said something about him to other people. Little or no trust will survive it. And a relationship without trust, respect and support does not last. When you tease someone you called a friend in public reciting his failures, rejections, disappointments or inadequacies, I bet you, you will loose his trust and respect. And you can also bet that he will likely retaliate by getting back at you in a more humiliating way.

7. It could diminish your value: Chronic teasing and inappropriate gossip about someone to other people could make you lose some respect. When a top ranking boss stoops or debases himself to say filthy things, among his employees about someone in their position, he loses his credibility. It could affect their regard of him and may affect their loyalty. Professionals who criticize and debase amateurs may lose their fans for lowering themselves to disgrace those working so hard to become like them. This is why we must all remember that we all had to come up from nothing to success by hard work and discipline. We should all encourage others making this difficult journey.

8. It could get you into trouble: When chronic teasing is directed at someone’s race, ancestry, place of origin, color,  ethnic origin, creed (religion), sex (including pregnancy and gender identity), sexual orientation, disability, age, marital status and record of offenses especially at a workplace—the victim could perceive it as harassment. Workplace harassment could get a worker, supervisor, manager and the company into trouble. The occupational Health and Safety Act of Canada Article 1.4 defines Workplace Harassment as engaging in a course of vexatious comments or conduct against a worker, in a workplace—behavior that is known or ought reasonably to be known to be unwelcome [Section 1]…
This may include: making remarks, jokes or innuendos that demean, ridicule, or offend;… page 3. http://www.labour.gov.on.ca/english/hs/pdf/wpvh_gl.pdf You could loose your job or be called into question over what you say while teasing.

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Elisha O. Ogbonna is an author and speaker. His most recent book is titled "Mastering the Power of Your Emotions: How to control what happens in you irrespective of what happens to 
you."

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]]>Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:18:00 GMThttp://www.elishaogbonna.com/blog/-five-effective-ways-to-tackle-offense-without-offending

    No offense, permit me to begin by explaining what an offense means. This is   because in live in a world where people can be offended by literally any thing. Asking someone to clean up the mess they have made can be taken as an offense. Telling someone to look left and right for traffic could be seen as an offense.
    Our world is almost becoming a place of look, see, but say nothing in case you  offend someone. But this is not the kind of offense I wish to talk about. Offense is a lack of politeness or a failure to show respect for others which results in hurt feelings. In law, offense is any act punishable by law or an act usually considered as immoral. Offense is often unpredictable. We only recognize or feel it when it happens. It could come deliberately or unintended. We do not have control over people's characters and as such we do not have control on what they think, say or do.
    In addition, we are of people with different personalities, values and lifestyles. Our personalities are a product of our upbringing, experience and association. We can't tell just by looking at someone whether they are going to hurt or insult us, or not.. Even the best of friends do sometimes offend one another. Anyone in a relationship will tell you that. A husband can offend his wife and a wife, in turn, can offend her husband. Supervisors can offend a worker as well as a worker can offend their supervisors. Since this is true, this leads
us to a very important questions and it is: Since we can’t control what other people think, what they could say and how they may behave towards us, “How can we confront or tackle with politeness their actions in a manner that will not create more problems and how can we get them to change their views in order to change how they act towards us?”
    Here are five effective ways to achieve that:

1. Specify the offense and recognize the emotion it has aroused: When you state explicitly or in detail what was done to you, it brings you to a position of clarity and helps you to recognize the emotion it has aroused. When the offended weighs and judges an offense, they know exactly what was done to them which they consider unacceptable. It removes a biased judgment when one rationalizes the position of both characters in the event. For example, suppose a cleaner or janitor in a company failed or forgot to clean an area or do part of his job and was called upon to explain why he did not do his job, should he be offended? On the other hand, if he had done all he was assigned to do, and was embarrassed by the supervisor's complaint that he didn't help the company maintenance department to cleanup some broken equipment, doesn’t he have the right to regard that as an offense? He didn't think that was his job, and it wasn't his fault. Should he be offended? If we think about the emotion he would experience, most of the time it would be anger. When anger isn't resolved or directed properly, or held in check, it will compel you to fight back. But if you choose to repress it, it breeds hatred and revenge.

2. Consider your role in the situation: Things don’t just happen. We make things happen. And for everything that has ever happened or will ever happen someone’s action must be behind it. So, there are reasons why things happen. They could happen as a result of what you did, what you failed to do or what someone else thinks you didn’t do right. Sometimes it could come out of sheer jealousy: for example, someone thinks you are becoming more recognized or more successful than he is. People who are hurting could choose to hurt other people. That being said; offense comes as a reaction to an action either internally or externally. It comes when the offender considers that the offended had done something wrong or unacceptable. This does not rule out the fact that sometimes the offender might be wrong in his judgment. Going by the example above, when someone has failed to do his part of the job and was call in for question, should he feel offended? However, there are certain ways of questioning someone that could be provocative. But the bottom line is that he failed to do his job. He failed to play his role. If he had done his part, there wouldn't have been any need for the questioning. Considering the role you played helps you to be constructive in your thinking and rationalize how to correct the problem and move forward.

3. Discover the intention or motive of your offender: Human thoughts and intentions may be difficult to understand but they can be figured out. People’s words and actions reveal their thoughts and intentions. Sooner or later, people's true desires come to light. This is because repressed feelings always find a way to express themselves. For example, imagine that someone is jealous of you and is fighting tooth and nail to get rid of you at your workplace or get you into trouble with other workers, your friends and family. If you can be patient enough to observe, you will find out what is motivating them. When someone becomes aggressive to you, he might let you down, talk down to you, complain about what you do, compare you to others and never appreciate your efforts. Listening to people around and within the circle of your group could reveal what they think and say about you behind you. Please understand that the purpose of this article is not to make you suspicious of everyone but to help you when you feel embarrassed or offended. Intention is revealed by what people say, how they say it and where they say it. The same applies to behavior. Like when someone sarcastically tells you, “Oh, you have arrived too early for the meeting,” in front of everyone and they all laughed or mock you. It is obvious they weren't commending you, but condemning you. If they wanted to instruct or help you, they'd talk to you separately, individually. Disciplining you in front of everyone is meant to make you feel small and worthless. It's true that friends tease one another but when one person is always the subject of teasing, that could feel offensive and hurtful.
 
4. Express your feelings and ensure they are understood: Depending on the situation and your emotional well being at the time, you could address it right away or after a “cooling off” period. When you feel offended and you are comfortable and confident with your emotions, you'll be able to respond to hurts and offenses right away. This is the goal, since immediate expression can stop further and future offenses. If you don't shut it down or address it, the offender can keep on insulting and exaggerating things about you with no interruption. Everyone around them will believe them, think you are a fool or worse, and the hurts and offenses will continue to multiply. However, there is nothing wrong with delayed expression. Delayed expression give you the chance to chill down and think about  everything in order to come up with a plan on how to approach the situation. One thing that you must not do is to repress your emotion. Even if you don’t wish to confront the offender, you can choose to talk to someone who you trust and who would listen to you. There’s a form a relief that comes when we express how we feel. Always remember that emotions cannot be buried dead because they are always alive. Try as much as you can to live a healthy and happy life by detoxifying and refreshing your emotions. Try to express every feeling of hurt in an appropriate way to the one who has offended you. This is because it does two things: it brings relief to you and brings awareness to your offender. Sometimes, some people may think they're joking but they are actually provoking. When they know that they are offending you, hurting your feelings, then they will be compelled to stop. Expressing your feelings can prevents further and future occurrences.

5. Stay away from thing you do or say that cause offense: If you are chronically late comer, stop. Change those things in your lifestyle and attitudes that make you vulnerable to criticism and offense. If that means changing your friends, please do. It is better to have other better friends than to stick to old friends that would bring you down. If it's the way you do your job, learn from others who are good workers, how you can do things better. Improve yourself. Develop new skills to perform your job effectively and efficiently. Always stay away from chronic offenders. Don’t be in their company. If you laugh with them when they tease and humiliate other people, be ready to take some doses for yourself sometime, someday in the near future. If you belong to a group and they consider you're not in their class, don’t force yourself on them. If you do, you will always be the subject of teasing and mockery in their midst. Stay away, please always do. Find somewhere you will be accepted and treated right.

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Elisha O. Ogbonna is an author and speaker. His recently published book is titled "Mastering the Power of Your Emotions: How to control What Happens in You Irrespective of What happens to You."

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